Looking through the Sunday papers I noticed a picture of a smiling couple, he a world-famous actor, she his lovely wife, out enjoying the sunshine, hand-in-hand without a care in the world. Except the words told a different story. A few hours earlier (apparently) he had been arrested, taken to a Police station and questioned for six hours for allegedly assaulting her. However, so said the article, she has how dropped all charges against him and is saying that everything is fine and it was a misunderstanding that has now been blown completely out of proportion. 

Well, as you can imagine, firstly, I feel for her. Reading between the lines it is obvious to me what is going on – she is a victim of domestic violence – and yet, like me and many, many others, she is in denial – why? Because she (like me for quite some time and many others) is obviously in love with and besotted by her husband still. I wonder in her case how long she will feel like this if the abuse continues? I wonder how long it will be before she closes down to him like I did? For me it happened gradually. I forgave him, sure, even took some of the responsibility myself. Perhaps he was right perhaps it was my fault. But as it got worse, the insults, the physical violence, I began to withdraw. Then I got angry, with him (although I kept it in) with myself, with his family, with bad drivers …. and so on. But that changed too over time and now? How do I feel? Indifferent to him is how I will describe it. 

Anyway, back to this ‘famous’ couple. The second thing that struck me (and this shows how much I have changed – thank god!) is that HE is someone I have had a massive crush on for years. This man has occupied a place in my esteem as something of a hero. He has certainly played those roles many times in his career. But you know what? I looked at that picture, and I read that story and I thought “You weak, cowardly fuck!” the admiration and attraction was gone in an instant. Now, I have no idea what will happen to this couple but I will keep my eyes open as I do not think it is a one-time-only event but if I ever met that man in real life, which I hope for his sake I don’t, I think I would be tempted to spit on him. Of course, I wouldn’t (I’m too polite for that) but I hope he gets what he deserves.