He’s like he was when I first met him, but nicer. More grown up, relaxed. We still see each other daily (because of the business) although I made a point of staying away from him last weekend for a whole three days! I wanted to see what it was like. How I would feel. How he would react. He was perfectly decent. He called me daily but we didn’t speak because he doesn’t have my new land-line number and I can’t get mobile coverage at the new house (which is just as well in the circumstances). I thought getting no response from me would push him over the edge and make him ‘react’. I was fully expecting to come back to dozens of increasingly abusive messages (he’s done that before: one Friday when I stayed late at work talking on the phone to my girlfriend about him and our ’situation’ and all the time I could hear the office phone ringing and I knew it was him so I didn’t pick up. Sure enough when I got through with her I listened to the voice-mail and he’d left loads of messages about how mean I was and what a bitch and how much I let him down because I’d told him I wouldn’t be late tonight and he had been looking forward to going out for a curry and……………In the end I went home and had to make up a lie that I had been on the phone to one of our overseas clients. I hated lying but I knew that if I didn’t I’d end up being hit. As it was it worked and he apologised). Anyway, last weekend I expected the same but it was not forthcoming.

He’s playing a game I know. We’ve talked about this being us giving each other space, having a break, getting ourselves sorted and “who knows what might happen in the future”. He talks about what it will be like when we get back together and what changes ‘we’ will make and how differently we’ll be with each other. I pretend to go along with it. Why not if it keeps the peace? This is still only a stepping stone for me. We have a lot to sort out between us and until that is done I cannot really make a full exit. He knows it too. But please don’t be disheartened, I know what I’m doing. It has to be this way. Believe me, whilst he’s still got some control and is holding out some hope that we might get back together I don’t have to live in fear and at least I am making progress, rebuilding my life, living in my own home, making plans.